My muse and me

Ford starts calling Bill his muse in the next entry which is set a year after the last one and Ford seems to think very highly of Bill saying things like “He’s sped my mind when it’s sluggish, and calmed me down when I'm anxious. Given me clever comebacks when I’m insulted… and all he has ever asked in return is my company and the occasional sparring partner in his riddles. (And to get this tattoo, which means ‘wise one’ in his native language.)…” Below this said tattoo is pictured this is the first time we see Bill blatantly lie to Ford because the tattoo Bill wants him to get actually translates to “If lost return to Bill” like a collar, like Ford is a pet

Ford becomes increasingly reliant on Bill — and Bill knows it. He disappears for months, leaving Ford starving for attention. That hunger makes Ford easier to manipulate — not that it was hard to begin with. Due to a rough childhood, all you have to do is call him smart and boost his ego and he’s like putty in your hands.

Bill shows up on Ford's birthday leaving a bunch of dead rats in the shape of his name Ford doesn’t like his birthday as is(It reminds him of his estranged twin brother Stanley) so while he feels like shit already he gets a disturbing gift he feels like he can’t be mad at because he thinks Bill doesn’t know any better Bill then gets Ford drunk.

Stanford’s drunken entry involves the phrase, “and one thing led to another…” which obviously implies something the phrase usually is supposed to indicate, intercourse. Bill is a triangle, though, so I don’t know how they managed that but that’s what's implied.

A voice from the past

Stanford sees his twin brother in an ad for some scam Ford, annoyed, vents to Bill, who asks why Ford didn’t just eat Stan in the womb. Ford explains you can’t do that. Bill mentions his home dimension holding him back and asks Ford if he can imagine such a thing Ford responds, “More than you know,” and asks Bill if he ever wonders if things could have been different.

Ford asks if he—Bill—can ever go home. Bill says no his dimension was destroyed Ford is surprised and asks how it happened Bill looks out of it after the question before answering “A monster” Ford asks if he ever got revenge. He asks if he can help him do so Bill just laughs humorlessly and responds “Sixer, it would eat you alive.”

This page is significant, as it is known that Bill is the one who destroyed his dimension. We know he's calling himself a monster; he’s acknowledging he is a bad person, Bill knows. He’s self-aware of what his actions reveal about him deep down. He also says “the monster” would eat Ford alive, knowing Bill is “the monster.” This isn’t a warning — it’s a threat. What Bill’s really saying is, “Sixer, I could eat you alive. I could destroy you.” Ford, of course, doesn’t realize it yet.

A winter break

By the next lost journal entry, portal construction has long started. Fiddleford has already joined Stanford in Gravity Falls. Fiddleford has got the Christmas spirit. Ford doesn’t care much for the holidays due to how Hanukkah was for him growing up, but is extremely grateful when Fidds gifts him a custom snow globe modeled after the lab and six-fingered gloves knitted just for him. His delight is soured by the realization that he had failed to get F a present in return. Fiddleford assured Ford that being a part of scientific history was enough. Ford, overwhelmed by Fiddleford’s generosity, said they could take the weekend off and spend time together but Fidds tells him he was planning to visit his family for the weekend. Ford mentions in the entry that Bill has disappeared again. I imagine he’s starting to realize he cares for Stanford and is trying to distance himself.

Ford hears a bang outside Fidds still hasn’t returned from his trip. Ford goes outside to find child footprints in the snow he investigates and and finds himself captured by Krampus when said cryptid says he’ll let him and the children go if he can tell him one time he’s brought holiday cheer to another Ford goes on a rant about folklore cryptids always trying to give moral lessons and asks who they are to judge him when they’re kidnapping random children. And just as Krampus draws a pentagram that glows red in the cave, the ground starts to open up while Ford thinks, “My muse is nowhere to be found.” Krampus is knocked unconscious Fiddleford has saved him; he’s come back from visiting home banjo in hand. They hug. Ford couldn’t believe it

F explains that his wife got angry because he hadn’t gotten her a present. So, in conclusion Fiddleford got not one but two very personal, custom-made presents for Stanford and nothing for his wife. (…does he know it's legal now?) Fidds is devastated Ford tries to cheer him up by decorating the portal with Christmas lights and a banner that reads “Happy Holidays” and putting on Fidds’ favorite song he and F make snowmen of each other and drink nog and reminisce about old times the entry ends with Ford saying “It can be hard sometimes to find a moment to celebrate when you’re lost in the cold… but it's easier with new gloves.”

The muse returns

Bill is there when Ford wakes up from his “nog coma.” Ford startles and drops Fiddleford’s snow globe; it shatters. (He just woke up, so this implies he was holding it in his sleep?) Ford gets angry, “I couldn’t hide my frustration any longer. After all this time, he chose to show up now? I was almost roasted by a Krampus, and where was he? Off inspiring some other scientist? Posing for some tapestry? Were we even partners?” Bill proceeds to turn things around on Ford trying to make him feel guiltyfor spending time with Fiddleford “Hey, I’m not the one skipping portal work to carouse with a third-wheel hillbilly with second thoughts about our project!” Bill is jealous here, so he not only wants to turn things around on Ford but also instill mistrust toward Fidds in him. Afterward, Ford is embarrassed by his “Outburst” (Perfectly reasonable annoyance) because Bill is manipulating him into thinking he’s being ridiculous. A mix of gaslighting/guilt-tripping(Gaslighting – a form of emotional manipulation that makes victims doubt their own reality and judgment through persistent lying and denial of events. This tactic involves manipulative attempts to persuade the victim that they are mistaken or illogical, even when they are not. Gaslighting can lead to severe self-doubt and reduced self-esteem, creating an imbalance of power in the relationship and making the victim feel anxious and nervous. Guilt-tripping – leverages the victim’s sense of responsibility and morality to manipulate their actions. This tactic involves making the victim feel responsible for negative outcomes or playing on insecurities. Common tactics include making the victim feel guilty or embarrassed for asserting their own wishes in a relationship. Manipulators make the victim feel selfish or ungrateful for setting boundaries.) him into thinking he’s being unreasonable, so he can seem merciful when he brushes it off before giving Ford the simple advice of “Trust no one.”

Fiddleford later finds some things from Ford's childhood mostly pictures of him and Stan; he remarks. Maybe Bill was right about not being able to trust Fidds. So Bill successfully isolates Ford even more.

“I was wrong about everything!”

Ford has a dream that all the people in history Bill has tried to trick into making him a portal, moving like marionettes, black liquid oozing from their mouths, and chanting in unison the words.

“I GROW MADDENED.”>

He tries to figure out the meaning to no avail.

This is illustrated in the episode “A Tale of Two Stans,” but I feel it's important, so I’m going to describe it. Stanford and Fiddleford test the portal. Fiddleford is nearly sucked in and is traumatized by it. Stanford tries to calm him but it doesn't work and in a deleted scene Ford dismisses McGucket's concerns about the portal as "Dimensional Travel Sickness." Before Fiddleford shouts back “YOU’RE THE ONE WITH THE SICKNESS!” Considering this as canon makes the scene even more devastating than it originally was.

Stanford, who is in over his head, is told by the only person who hasn’t left him for his peculiarities and attitude (Well there’s Bill but this ain’t about him.) that he is sick, that he is unnatural which just pushes him into Bill's arms all the more he has nobody else now that Fiddleford wants nothing to do with him until Bill gets angry…

"I WAS WRONG ABOUT EVERYTHING! I’VE SHUT DOWN THE PORTAL! DAMN IT ALL!”

“My mind reels from horror and humiliation. How could I have been so foolish as to let Bill into my mind, and how can I prevent his coming apocalypse?! F has abandoned me for my hubris, and Cipher has gone suspiciously silent… Torment me all you want, Cipher, but your games are finally over.” Ford snaps out of the spell Bill had over him and plans to destroy his journals (I’d like to point out the change from “My muse<3” to “Cipher.”)

“Am I really going to destroy it all just out of spite? No, I won’t give HIM the satisfaction! Instead of destroying my work, I’ll find a way to DESTROY BILL INSTEAD. If Cipher has a weakness, I’ll find it. I’ll outsmart the devil yet!”

“He may be a god, but I am a scientist.” Ford is acknowledging Bill's power here, but denying that it matters after all what is a god to a non-believer

Ford sets up an eye scanner, so Bill can’t get into his lab if he possesses him, as the person Bill possesses eyes change when he does.

After a possession, Ford finds his knuckles bloody and bruised from Bill trying to get into the lab. Ford created an updated design to the Bill-proof suit made by the anti-cipherites. Ford heads to a mortuary to get a brain for his Bill-proof suit but Bill possesses the corpses there to attack Ford who asks why won’t he leave him alone to which Bill replies

“Oh, come on, Sixer. We both know you don’t really want me to be left alone. Admit it, you LOVE how important I make you feel. And I love having a pet human in my pocket. It’s a win-win!” Again, Bill shows that he views Ford as a pet rather than a person, and that he understands the importance of the validation he gives to Ford is to him. He’s using it as an excuse. Ford should just play nice. (His word choice feels very date-rape-y. Y’know, “You know you want it.” type deal? Kinda makes me sick.)

“Don’t forget which one of us is holding a gun!” Ford warns. Bill just smiles inhumanly “Fordsy, nobody else really gets you, do they? Without me, you’ll always feel unseen, surrounded by dolts who don’t recognize your true potential. You’ve always felt alone in a crowd, haven’t you? Who else will give you this feeling again? Even if you got rid of me, you’d miss me. Admit it, you’d miss me.” This is also reminiscent of the common phrases used by manipulators. “You’ll be all alone without me.” (True because they’ve often isolated you from everyone else who cares about you at this point.) And “No one can make you feel the way I do.” Ford doesn’t give in though.

“I hesitated. ‘I have missed you,’ I replied. He smiled. ‘But my aim is getting better.’” He blasts the last Zom-Bill to hell and spits on it. He is exhausted but he doesn’t want to be possessed again so he has to stay awake.

The Bill-proof suit felt impossible without Fiddleford. Every time Ford nodded off, Bill left a Post-it on his forehead. Ford replied with his own. Ford later finds a venomous snake in his journal, which Bill left, and he gets pissed and starts playing a song Bill hates on repeat.

The war in my mind

The next time Ford awakes he’s on the roof, suffering from the freezing temperatures almost blue from hypothermia, looking at the ground below Bill brought him there; he could have made Ford jump yet he didn't Ford wonders, “Why? To send a message: that I'm his toy. He could spare me or take my life away. If I'm still alive, it's because he wants to make a deal.”

Bill is threatening him again he heads inside it to find a tape bill made of him possessing Ford’s body he starts off calling Ford his puppet again before showing him a bunch of things he did while possessing Stanford’s body that he knows Ford wouldn't ever want to be associated with such as getting him a tramp stamp, eating spiders, hammering a nail into his hand, running around shirtless, Etc. Before finally trying to call Stanley saying he's going to kill himself on the phone, and that Ford never loved him before realizing the phone doesn't work he threatens to do this again, but worse, before telling Ford to turn on the portal.

Ford says Bill's just in his head saying that he has no power over him. Bill makes him blackout to threaten him.

This page is very interesting so I'm just going to quote it word for word “Something was wrong then Blackness Blackness Blackness Blackness blackness. Where was I? My body was paralyzed. I felt my bones being pulled slowly, slowly out of their sockets. It was excruciating. I tried to scream but nothing came out…”

“THINK, SIXER, YOU LET ME. IN. YOUR. HEAD. DO YOU REALIZE WHAT I CAN DO IN HERE IF I WANT? I CAN FLIP A SWITCH THAT MAKES EVERY NEURON BURN WITH PAIN BEYOND IMAGINATION. I CAN REWIRE YOUR OPTIC NERVE SO THE SKY IS BELOW YOU, PLAY A TONE THAT GETS LOUDER AND LOUDER UNTIL YOU BASH IN YOUR OWN SKULL JUST TO MAKE IT STOP. I CAN DELETE MEMORIES RANDOMLY, JUST FOR FUN. MAYBE I ALREADY HAVE. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO REMEMBER. YOUR MOTHER’S FACE? YOUR OWN NAME? WHO ARE YOU ANYWAY?”

“‘That's ridiculous!’ I shouted. ‘I'm… I'm…’ I panicked. I couldn't recall my name. I began to shake.”

“He flipped his finger like he was turning on a light switch, and it came to me.”

“I'm stanf—”

“Flipped again. I went blank. I felt my sockets start to strain. Any second my tendons would pop, my bones would splinter. I fell to the ground, on the verge of vomiting.”

“YOU’RE MY PROPERTY. DON’T FORGET IT. The hillbilly abandoned you, your father won't want you returning without Millions, you have no friends, and if you died out here in the snow, who would even miss you? Turn on the portal. I’VE WAITED TOO LONG FOR THIS… you have 72 hours. DON’T CROSS ME AGAIN.”

Bill's True Colors are revealed here, he physically and mentally torments Ford; he calls him his property, like he is just a thing. He uses the common tactics of “you're nothing without me,” “you have no one else if you leave me,” “you'll be all alone,” “you're mine,” and other manipulative tactics.

Ford wakes from the hallucination distressed saying Bill is right what was he thinking he thinks about Fiddleford and about how he is the only person who could help him he looks through the stuff Fidds left behind to maybe help try and find him he just finds five failed attempts at the perfect pair of six-fingered gloves… and a ripped photo of them in University when they first became roommates F has wrote the words “try to forget” on it. He was gone.

Ford considers calling Stan; he decides it's his only option and laments that he misses sleep, and you know what happens next if you haven't seen all of Gravity Falls. Why are you reading this?

Back to Bill/Losing Sixer

Bill takes over narration as the lost journal pages end, “Oh, the melodrama. Do you really buy that sob story? ‘MY POOR BRAIN!’ ‘MY POOR KNUCKLES!’ Please! I was never REALLY going to ‘steal his eyes.’... I know Sixer secretly loved our ‘will-they-won't-they-won’t-they-destroy-the-world' relationship. This was just his way of keeping things spicy!… I wasn't upset at all! In fact, I decided to prove how not upset I was about our falling-out by knocking back a few cold glasses of “I'm Fine Juice” at all O’Sadly's…” Bill proceeds to get drunk and terrorize an interdimensional Taco Bell asking for ‘one sixer’

And then he steals an employee's phone who is on the phone to the police and starts talking to the operator like they’re his mother. Bill did care about Ford that much, as is clear by his drunken escapade. He wasn’t JUST a pawn due to his reaction to losing him, surely he mattered to him (also if you type “EVEN HIS LIES ARE LIES” into thisisnotawebsitedotcom.com, Bill is asked “So you never cared about Ford?” to which he answers “I never said that. Everyone likes having a pet human! (deflecting) As long as he remembers when to sit, stay, and roll over, control of his entire life!...” Then, the events of Gravity Falls take place along with the 30 years that precede it. I'm not here to explain all of GF’s events.

The Notes/Recovery

Stanford

Ford, Mabel, Dipper, and Stan leave notes for the reader. Ford talks about his fear of his family reading the book, but he hesitates to throw it away until he finds his family reading it. H tries to explain the danger they are in but realizes they are all fine. In fact they were laughing at the book, actually. He realizes he wasn’t actually scared for his family's safety, but rather their reaction. He was… embarrassed, he feels foolish for falling for Bill’s tricks, he’s ashamed he was supposed to be smart, wasn’t he?

He points out that now that he’s realized it the more he hid his past with his abuser(Bill if that wasn’t clear) the more it haunted him.

After sharing it with his family he finds it turned from a dark secret to something he can laugh about. The other Pines (and Soos and Wendy) don’t see him as an irredeemable screw-up like he expected them to. Stanley remarks “So, your past is just a giant pile of mistakes? Congratulations — you really are a Pines!” Ford realizes that while they read TBOB it isn’t something dangerous, some dark text, it's a last attempt at power, a pathetic feat of control. “--It's the last pathetic grasp of a has-been who fears being forgotten. Bill isn’t a god; he’s a needy theater kid in search of a stage. He’s making it all up as he goes along. All he really wants is for us to keep reading. Because as long as we’re reading, we’re giving him his real lifeblood: not power, attention. You can’t kill an idea, but you can think of a better one. Bill may tell you that happiness requires conquering galaxies and living forever, but I’ve seen enough of the universe to tell you that he’s wrong. I’ve found my happiness. And it looks like this:(pictured is a picture of ford with his family

Ford is letting go. He is done letting his abuser control him. He is learning how to live without fear. Bill had tricked him and he expected to be berated for it but he wasn’t; instead, he was accepted for his faults and mistakes. Now that it's out there he can learn and grow he can learn to let people in again without the fear that they’re manipulating him, because that’s what many abusers do at first. They’re amazing at first; they can be so nice all that you could ever ask for, maybe because they're luring you in.

When they first meet Bill is all Ford could want. All he feels he needs: A friend who matches his intelligence, he’s an inspiration (A muse), he’s validation, he’s the feeling of importance Stanford craves, he’s a kindred spirit, and he’s nice, he’s friendly, he’s weird, he’s funny and even after he shows his true colors a bit Ford still believes in that version Bill until Fidds leaves I imagine maybe even a bit after that.

Stanley

Other than the code I mentioned at the beginning of the essay, there’s not much to say about Stan’s letter (concerning this essay, anyway), but he made the statement “If Bill’s so smart, how come we’re so much happier than him?” which is an excellent point. If Bill has it all figured out how come he’s so goddamn miserable because he actually doesn’t know jack about anything important? Maybe he does know the secrets of the universe but if you know good people and you care for people and they care for you, then you know more than anyone, like Bill, ever will

Bill’s Meltdown

Bill proceeds to have a complete and utter Meltdown before the book shows us where he actually is. Bill claims he doesn't need anyone, that he's fine. That someone will let him out eventually. What to say about this… The page where he yells at the reader is petty, childish and just sad. You get to really see Bill for what he is not just a bad person and abuser a manipulator but a pathetic, attention-hungry little prick as Stanford said albeit more eloquently.

Conclusion

In conclusion, Gravity Falls — especially The Book of Bill — tells a story about abuse, manipulation, and the long, painful process of recovery and relearning how to trust. It does this through complex characters who were never meant to be simple heroes or villains. When I picked up TBOB, I was excited to revisit an old hyperfixation. But once I finished, I felt compelled to write — not because I had something new to say, but because I needed to say it. Gravity Falls meant a lot to me growing up. It was the only “age-appropriate” show I had that featured characters who felt even remotely like me — lonely, strange, queer, or neurodivergent. It gave me something to hold onto when I didn’t have the words for who I was yet.

I’ve seen a lot of blame thrown around in fandom — at Mabel (a 12-year-old girl!) or Ford (a deeply insecure (at the time) young man who made a mistake and paid dearly for it). And honestly? That kind of blame misses the point. These characters are victims, too. Of isolation, fear, repression, and manipulation. Of systems that taught them to hide, perform, or disappear.

This isn’t just a story about weirdness. It’s a story about what happens when the weirdness is inside you — and someone promises to love you for it, but only so they can use it against you. And that’s why it stuck with me. Why it still does.